Author: Clayton Craddock

I am a dedicated father to two wonderful children, a consultant for divorcing fathers, a thought provoking blogger, and a social reformer who is intent on seeing positive cultural change for boys, men and fathers in the 21st century. Oh, I also play drums too!

Trending Towards Traditionalism?

 

The day when women create sperm and can impregnate men so that they can have babies, that is the day men and women will be equal. Until then, we will be different. Accept it and enjoy it.

We will always be different.

Or, like Stevie Wonder said many years ago:

Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream
Until the day is night and night becomes the day-
Until the trees and seas just up and fly away
Until the day that 8x8x8 is
Until the day that is the day that are no more-
Until the day the earth starts turning right to left-
Until the earth just for the sun denies itself
Until dear Mother Nature says her work is through

Always…

 

There is a new briefing paper out now by the Council on Contemporary Families by Joanna R. Pepin, Department of Sociology, University of Maryland and David A. Cotter, Professor of Sociology, Union College. 

In it, there are some very interesting discoveries about gender roles:

Back in the nineteenth century, as the worlds of “work” and “home” were increasingly spatially separated, a doctrine of “separate spheres” developed to ideologically justify, and reinforce, the division between the masculine public sphere and feminine private sphere. It is telling here that what was considered “work” included only that which took place in the public sphere—waged employment, politics and the like—excluding all of the labor that took place in the home. The tasks of caring for children and maintaining a household were seen as an extension of love and motherhood, with a built-in intrinsic reward for women. This “separate spheres” ideology experienced a resurgence in the post-WWII era and was the primary ideology against which the feminist movements of the 1960s and 1970s reacted.

But the question became what would replace that ideology? Some feminists pushed for a more androgynous conception of equality, disrupting beliefs about the oppositeness of men and women. In the 1980s and early 1990s, people seemed to be moving toward the idea that women and men could work equally well in both the public and private spheres. Yet the narrative that eventually emerged became a hybrid of the two approaches, promoting women’s choice to participate in either sphere while trying to equalize the perceived value of a home sphere that was still seen as distinctively female. The egalitarian essentialist perspective mixed values of equality (men and women should have equal opportunities, gender discrimination is wrong) alongside beliefs about the essential nature of men and women (men are naturally or inherently better suited to some roles and women to others).

The revised kind of egalitarianism that rapidly increased after 1994 is rooted in ideology compatible with American cultural ideals of individualism, beliefs associated more with the public sphere than rooted in families. Tellingly, the pattern of increased though incomplete equality in the workplace and persistent though lessened inequality at home is present not only in the realm of attitudes but also when we look at objective measures like occupational segregation and housework. The percentages of men and women who would have to change occupations for all occupations to have equal numbers of men and women declined from about two-thirds (64 percent) of workers in 1950 to about 50 percent by the 1990s, and has been stalled ever since (authors’ calculations from Census PUMS/ACS). Similarly, the gender gap in time spent in core housework activities (e.g., cooking, cleaning, laundry) steadily declined from the 1960s to the mid-1990s and then stagnated.

One possible reason egalitarian ideology is highly endorsed in the marketplace is that occupational segregation permits the embrace of equal opportunity ideals without challenging beliefs that men and women are innately and fundamentally different. Even though “a woman should have exactly the same job opportunities as a man,” women may be thought to choose different types of work because those occupations feel more consistent with their identity as women. The path to blending a belief in equality with a belief in inherent differences between men and women at home is less obvious, which may explain the return to non-egalitarian gender attitudes within families. For example, arriving at gender parity in time spent in housework may require redefining what counts as “men’s chores” and “women’s chores.” It is notable that most of the narrowing of differences in time spent on chores noted above came from reductions in women’s time spent on these tasks. Achieving equity within families requires men to take on tasks that are culturally devalued (cleaning, laundry, and to a lesser extent cooking). In other words, women entering the workforce felt they were gaining something valuable, just as fathers stepping up participation in parenting felt they were gaining something valuable, but everybody hates housework.

 

Read more HERE, HERE and HERE

Where are the FEMINISTS?

  I love this comment: “Visibly missing/ Deafeningly silent on this issue: 1. White feminists 2. White feminists who love to complain that black women like Michelle Obama &/or Beyonce are not feminist enough 3. Minority groups who continually ask…

Taco Thursday #cookingwithmykids

Focus. Concentration.
Cooking with my kids is one of the many things I love to do when I have them. Preparing dinner together, then enjoying the amazing food we make together.

Yesterday was taco Thursday. My son made the guacamole and my daughter made the chicken to put into the tacos.

Its great to see them become so interested in cooking and enjoying the process.

 

Real Men Provide…What?

This group would probably also speak out against deadbeat dads who don’t pay child support, and never see the irony in that.   “A billboard on Interstate 40 West near Winston-Salem is angering many who say its message is offensive…

Maybe it’s YOU?

I just finished an article titled: “Why Does Dating Men Make Me Feel Like Shit?” The author says, “For the first time in years, I find myself feeling ugly. What changed was that I started dating men.” It’s not the…

NFL Star and Heinemann Trophy Winner Ricky Williams Harassed By Law Enforcement

Watch this. Just watch this and let me know if your blood doesn’t start to boil.

Their job is to “enforce the law” – better known as “arrest as many people as they can so they look good.”
You job is to say as little as possible.
Theirs is to get you to say as much as possible.
By the way, watch how they surround him like they are about to wrestle him to the ground and put him in a choke hold like Eric Garner.
And you wonder why we feel the way we do about law enforcement.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSSHxvWDluk

Bumbling Dads

  As women left Montclair, N.J., for marches in Washington and New York, family routines were radically altered, and many fathers had to meet weekend demands alone. http://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/22/nyregion/womens-march-montclair-nj.html?smprod=nytcore-iphone&smid=nytcore-iphone-share Is this another “bumbling dad” piece?   This is The Onion right?…

Obamacare vs. Affordable Care Act

Yeah….

There are plenty of videos showing how stupid liberal college kids are. Well, it’s your turn to look just as dumb.

Congrats to you fools. These are the people who voted in that idiot who is now president.

Good luck when the GOP gets rid of that Obamacare thing (and your beloved Affordable Care Act) at the same time!

You suckers!

 

 

 

 

How Do You Spell Dad? L-O-V-E

Waking up at the crack of dawn sucks. It just does. Well, it does for me.

I’ve never been a morning person. I never will be. I like to get up at about 9 or 10AM. Well, that’s just not the life I’ve chosen to live.

You see, I get up so early for a reason.

 

I usually arrive home from work at 11PM. I’m totally wired and wide awake. I eventually wind down so I can get to sleep at around 1AM. My alarm goes off in the morning, but I snooze for a few more minutes before I jump out of bed. I try to shake the cobwebs out of my brain and think of where I parked my car so I can go pick up my kids.

I drive over to my ex-wife’s house and get my kids at 7:15AM. We spend about 45 minutes to an hour getting to school. There are mornings where we just listen to the radio. We sometimes laugh about stories from the previous day or if we see something silly on the way. When a serious event happens in our country, we might have a brief thought provoking discussion. When I see the opportunity, I let my kids know about some cold hard truths about growing up in America. They soak it all up like sponges. In the end, I have that special time with just me and my kids. It’s time well spent.

I get the balance of my sleep some time during the day by taking naps if I’m not working. I ain’t afraid to admit, I LOVE naps. Later in the day, I pick them up from school and we spend the afternoon together at my place until I bring them to their mom’s house after I cook them dinner.

It’s exhausting, but totally worth every hour I miss of sleep during the night.

Why do I do this to myself? Well, I asked this question this morning when I got out of bed. As soon as I thought of that question, I got my answer.

It’s because I love them. I really do.

After 14 years of fatherhood, nothing has changed. I’ve been there since the beginning. I’m glad I saw every little step my kids have taken over the years and witnessed every little development along the way. Our time is very limited on this planet and I am making sure I spend as much of it as I possibly can with my kids before they are adults and off on their own.

I wasn’t going to allow any silly “family court” system to keep me away from this. I’ll lose all kinds of sleep but I won’t lose out on being a father. That’s just not going to happen. I made sure of that.

Fathers….

We love our kids as much as mothers. We care too. We want to be there as much as we can even though we may be tired, working long hours, traveling, busting our ass to get a promotion or more money or any other thing that might keep us temporarily separate.

Dads…

We are not the babysitter. We are the guidance the protection, the focus, the spiritual uplift, the support system, the provider, the backbone, the rock, the stability, the L-O-V-E.

I heard about this artist and song today after chatting with a colleague of mine named Felton Offard on Facebook. (he’s an amazing guitarists by the way). He hipped me to this guy Sho Baraka. Sho has a great new album out called ” The Narrative.”

I think this is right on point:

I learned that love ain’t based on performance
Make a mistake and I will love you in the morning
I see life in my children’s eyes
And when I’m wrong I’ll be the first to apologize
Peace to all my fathers who are working through their flaws
Fulfilling their duties and they don’t do it for applause
It’s true, any fool with a tool can reproduce
But a father is that dude that’ll see it through
Forget the stereotypes lets be clear
There are good men out there we are here

……………..

How do you spell dad?
It goes L-O-V-E
How do you spell dad?
It goes L-O-V-E
How do you spell dad?

Marxism is the WORST

Every Marxist government in history has been a repressive nightmare. Marxists — aside from the ones who defend the remaining Marxist regimes — consider this a strange coincidence that has no bearing on Marxist ideology… Read this article: http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/03/oh-good-were-arguing-whether-marxism-works.html

Denzel Washington On Fathers And Sons – Joy and Pain

Ummm yeah but…..
Joy is also passed down from father to son too. My father had a lot of joy and I certainly pass it on to my son (and daughter). My father was/is a MAN. He was there for me and my sisters and still is.
Some of you may know, my horrific divorce from my ex-wife, who still seems hell bent on trying to damage my relationship with our kids, couldn’t stop me from being the father I wanted to be. That whole process of “family” court made me into the man I am today. It made me stronger, more committed to my kids and more passionate for life in general.
There are times where I get sooooo angry with the commands to “be a man.”
Well dammit, maybe if the mother bias in the family court system could finally be destroyed forever, the archaic child support model could be updated to reflect 21st-century America, our prison system could stop making a profit from locking up so many low income/low resource men, the ability for men to provide proudly for our families could return, issues like men’s issue like suicide/depression/drug addiction and mental health issues could be properly supported….maybe then, we can be the men that son many of you want badly.
I love me some Denzel but I get tired of having so many things being ignored

Dictators

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It’s truly amazing how many Americans and those who never lived under dictators LOVE the idea of them.

Americans love the “freedom” dictators bring but always overlook the atrocities and death dictators inevitably bring to those the people they rule over.

Good riddance to all dictators and the lies and destruction they leave in their wake.

There has never ever been a socialist/communist utopia.

Never…and there will never be one:

“Karl Marx was right, socialism works, it is just that he had the wrong species. Why doesn’t it work in humans? Because we have repro­ductive independence, and we get maximum Darwinian fitness by looking after our own survival and having our own offspring.”

Edward O. Wilson

 

 

 

Growing Kids

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My kids…growing and growing-and so is my love for them.

Fatherhood is truly an amazing experience. Watching my kids develop into a young man and woman is fascinating.
The time we spend every morning on the way to school is special to me.

I get to talk to them about what is going on and how they are feeling. I get to hear stories about their friends, their teachers and their classroom discussions.

We talk about current events and what might be happening that later on that day at school or after school. We also might discuss how excited they might be about their day or if they are terrified about what might happen.

The nonsense I had to endure in family court was worth every gray hair and green dollar bill I spent. If I didn’t fight the powers that be, I probably wouldn’t be able to take this photo.

I’m glad I can be with them almost every single day.