Category: Fatherhood

Taco Thursday #cookingwithmykids

Focus. Concentration.
Cooking with my kids is one of the many things I love to do when I have them. Preparing dinner together, then enjoying the amazing food we make together.

Yesterday was taco Thursday. My son made the guacamole and my daughter made the chicken to put into the tacos.

Its great to see them become so interested in cooking and enjoying the process.

 

Bumbling Dads

  As women left Montclair, N.J., for marches in Washington and New York, family routines were radically altered, and many fathers had to meet weekend demands alone. http://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/22/nyregion/womens-march-montclair-nj.html?smprod=nytcore-iphone&smid=nytcore-iphone-share Is this another “bumbling dad” piece?   This is The Onion right?…

How Do You Spell Dad? L-O-V-E

Waking up at the crack of dawn sucks. It just does. Well, it does for me.

I’ve never been a morning person. I never will be. I like to get up at about 9 or 10AM. Well, that’s just not the life I’ve chosen to live.

You see, I get up so early for a reason.

 

I usually arrive home from work at 11PM. I’m totally wired and wide awake. I eventually wind down so I can get to sleep at around 1AM. My alarm goes off in the morning, but I snooze for a few more minutes before I jump out of bed. I try to shake the cobwebs out of my brain and think of where I parked my car so I can go pick up my kids.

I drive over to my ex-wife’s house and get my kids at 7:15AM. We spend about 45 minutes to an hour getting to school. There are mornings where we just listen to the radio. We sometimes laugh about stories from the previous day or if we see something silly on the way. When a serious event happens in our country, we might have a brief thought provoking discussion. When I see the opportunity, I let my kids know about some cold hard truths about growing up in America. They soak it all up like sponges. In the end, I have that special time with just me and my kids. It’s time well spent.

I get the balance of my sleep some time during the day by taking naps if I’m not working. I ain’t afraid to admit, I LOVE naps. Later in the day, I pick them up from school and we spend the afternoon together at my place until I bring them to their mom’s house after I cook them dinner.

It’s exhausting, but totally worth every hour I miss of sleep during the night.

Why do I do this to myself? Well, I asked this question this morning when I got out of bed. As soon as I thought of that question, I got my answer.

It’s because I love them. I really do.

After 14 years of fatherhood, nothing has changed. I’ve been there since the beginning. I’m glad I saw every little step my kids have taken over the years and witnessed every little development along the way. Our time is very limited on this planet and I am making sure I spend as much of it as I possibly can with my kids before they are adults and off on their own.

I wasn’t going to allow any silly “family court” system to keep me away from this. I’ll lose all kinds of sleep but I won’t lose out on being a father. That’s just not going to happen. I made sure of that.

Fathers….

We love our kids as much as mothers. We care too. We want to be there as much as we can even though we may be tired, working long hours, traveling, busting our ass to get a promotion or more money or any other thing that might keep us temporarily separate.

Dads…

We are not the babysitter. We are the guidance the protection, the focus, the spiritual uplift, the support system, the provider, the backbone, the rock, the stability, the L-O-V-E.

I heard about this artist and song today after chatting with a colleague of mine named Felton Offard on Facebook. (he’s an amazing guitarists by the way). He hipped me to this guy Sho Baraka. Sho has a great new album out called ” The Narrative.”

I think this is right on point:

I learned that love ain’t based on performance
Make a mistake and I will love you in the morning
I see life in my children’s eyes
And when I’m wrong I’ll be the first to apologize
Peace to all my fathers who are working through their flaws
Fulfilling their duties and they don’t do it for applause
It’s true, any fool with a tool can reproduce
But a father is that dude that’ll see it through
Forget the stereotypes lets be clear
There are good men out there we are here

……………..

How do you spell dad?
It goes L-O-V-E
How do you spell dad?
It goes L-O-V-E
How do you spell dad?

Denzel Washington On Fathers And Sons – Joy and Pain

Ummm yeah but…..
Joy is also passed down from father to son too. My father had a lot of joy and I certainly pass it on to my son (and daughter). My father was/is a MAN. He was there for me and my sisters and still is.
Some of you may know, my horrific divorce from my ex-wife, who still seems hell bent on trying to damage my relationship with our kids, couldn’t stop me from being the father I wanted to be. That whole process of “family” court made me into the man I am today. It made me stronger, more committed to my kids and more passionate for life in general.
There are times where I get sooooo angry with the commands to “be a man.”
Well dammit, maybe if the mother bias in the family court system could finally be destroyed forever, the archaic child support model could be updated to reflect 21st-century America, our prison system could stop making a profit from locking up so many low income/low resource men, the ability for men to provide proudly for our families could return, issues like men’s issue like suicide/depression/drug addiction and mental health issues could be properly supported….maybe then, we can be the men that son many of you want badly.
I love me some Denzel but I get tired of having so many things being ignored

Growing Kids

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My kids…growing and growing-and so is my love for them.

Fatherhood is truly an amazing experience. Watching my kids develop into a young man and woman is fascinating.
The time we spend every morning on the way to school is special to me.

I get to talk to them about what is going on and how they are feeling. I get to hear stories about their friends, their teachers and their classroom discussions.

We talk about current events and what might be happening that later on that day at school or after school. We also might discuss how excited they might be about their day or if they are terrified about what might happen.

The nonsense I had to endure in family court was worth every gray hair and green dollar bill I spent. If I didn’t fight the powers that be, I probably wouldn’t be able to take this photo.

I’m glad I can be with them almost every single day.

 

Don’t Talk To The Police!

I recently told my kids about the events from the past two weeks in Louisiana and Minnesota. After a discussion about what happened, I reminded them to never talk to the police.

 

I tell them over and over again to NEVER EVER talk to the police. I don’t care if you are doing something legal or not. NEVERRRRRRR!!!!! NEVER talk to the police if they ask you any questions. I have several close friends who are cops, former cops and probably future cops and I will tell my kids and anyone reading this that due to the legacy of slavery in this country and the never ending bias against black men especially, talking to the police or even getting into any encounter with any police officer of any color is probably going to do you no good.

It doesn’t matter if the cop is black, brown, white or purple. It is a fact that we have given a certain group of people the legal authority to kill then ask questions about it later…and most likely NOT be held accountable. It is just the reality we live in today.

I tell my kids on a regular basis that the way they will be treated is different than the way their white mother will be treated-simply because they look more like me than her.

The way that my WHITE girlfriend will be treated is different than the way I’ll be treated when we drive together and are stopped by the police. The way police have treated black and brown skinned people for well over a hundred years is well documented and may never change. The only thing I feel we can do is not to interact with them and do whatever is necessary to be as well connected politically in order to gain the wealth and status needed to get out of jail quickly.

The problem is that we might never get to jail if we get shot like Philando Castile.

DON’T TALK TO THE POLICE: