“….the most important relationship in the house is the one between mom and dad. If they are doing well, they are more likely to do well by their children. Children get a sense of stability and learn how to relate to others by watching their parents. So, to serve children best, mom and dad must focus on their own relationship first.”
“What the American perspective does to dads is that they have to compete for attention from their wives, who are giving most of their time and energy to the kids. This is why one of the riskiest times for divorces is when all the kids have left for college: moms and dad have spent the last 18+ years pouring all of their love, energy, and attention into the kids and forgot how to love each other.”
http://thefatherfactor.blogspot.com/2012/02/what-we-can-learn-from-french-parents.html
As I was reading this, I though track to the demise of my marriage. Hindsight is always 20/20. You definitely see things much clearer when you look back in time.
When my marriage started to fall apart, I read various books on how to repair it. I found a common thread. Many of the things I was reading stated that your SPOUSE comes first. Many Americans can’t wrap their heads around this concept…and many don’t. As soon as the baby comes into the picture, all the focus goes toward the kid, and the marriage inevitably suffers.
We have less than 18 years of dealing with our kids. Sooner than later, the children will want to be with their friends and will be out of our sight before you know it.
Do whatever you can to keep your relationship strong from the beginning. Think of your relationship as a tree. It should have strong roots, a good foundation and it can branch off in many direction. Of course, you hope to bear good fruit. As we all know, the fruit does not fall to far from the tree.
Remember, there will be storms. Children come in like hurricanes and monsoons. Is your tree strong enough not to break? Is the wind going to snap your tree in half? I feel the tree should be able to withstand any storm that comes your way. Bend a little, but stay put. After the storms passes, you can enjoy the seasons that come your way. Hopefully, you will be in a place with plenty of sunshine and nourishment for your enduring relationship.
