Fathers and Genetics

As I continue to increase awareness of the importance of fathers, I stumble upon interesting columns. This is a great piece I just read in the NY times today and thought I’d share. A different take as to why fathers are important.

More food for thought.

Why Fathers Really Matter

By JUDITH SHULEVITZ – New York Times September 9, 2012

MOTHERHOOD begins as a tempestuously physical experience but quickly becomes a political one. Once a woman’s pregnancy goes public, the storm moves outside. Don’t pile on the pounds! Your child will be obese. Don’t eat too little, or your baby will be born too small. For heaven’s sake, don’t drink alcohol. Oh, please: you can sip some wine now and again. And no matter how many contradictory things the experts say, don’t panic. Stress hormones wreak havoc on a baby’s budding nervous system.

All this advice rains down on expectant mothers for the obvious reason that mothers carry babies and create the environments in which they grow. What if it turned out, though, that expectant fathers molded babies, too, and not just by way of genes?

Biology is making it clearer by the day that a man’s health and well-being have a measurable impact on his future children’s health and happiness. This is not because a strong, resilient man has a greater likelihood of being a fabulous dad — or not only for that reason — or because he’s probably got good genes. Whether a man’s genes are good or bad (and whatever “good” and “bad” mean in this context), his children’s bodies and minds will reflect lifestyle choices he has made over the years, even if he made those choices long before he ever imagined himself strapping on a Baby Bjorn.

Doctors have been telling men for years that smoking, drinking and recreational drugs can lower the quality of their sperm. What doctors should probably add is that the health of unborn children can be affected by what and how much men eat; the toxins they absorb; the traumas they endure; their poverty or powerlessness; and their age at the time of conception. In other words, what a man needs to know is that his life experience leaves biological traces on his children. Even more astonishingly, those children may pass those traces along to their children.

Before I began reading up on fathers and their influence on future generations, I had a high-school-biology-level understanding of how a man passes his traits on to his child. His sperm and the mother’s egg smash into each other, his sperm tosses in one set of chromosomes, the egg tosses in another, and a child’s genetic future is set for life. Physical features: check. Character: check. Cognitive style: check. But the pathways of inheritance, I’ve learned, are subtler and more varied than that. Genes matter, and culture matters, and how fathers behave matters, too.

Lately scientists have become obsessed with a means of inheritance that isn’t genetic but isn’t nongenetic either. It’s epigenetic. “Epi,” in Greek, means “above” or “beyond.” Think of epigenetics as the way our bodies modify their genetic makeup. Epigenetics describes how genes are turned on or off, in part through compounds that hitch on top of DNA — or else jump off it — determining whether it makes the proteins that tell our bodies what to do.

In the past decade or so, the study of epigenetics has become so popular it’s practically a fad. Psychologists and sociologists particularly like it because gene expression or suppression is to some degree dictated by the environment and plays at least as large a role as genes do in the development of a person’s temperament, body shape and predisposition to disease. I’ve become obsessed with epigenetics because it strikes me as both game-changing and terrifying. Our genes can be switched on or off by three environmental factors, among other things: what we ingest (food, drink, air, toxins); what we experience (stress, trauma); and how long we live.

Epigenetics means that our physical and mental tendencies were not set in stone during the Pleistocene age, as evolutionary psychology sometimes seems to claim. Rather, they’re shaped by the life we lead and the world we live in right now. Epigenetics proves that we are the products of history, public as well as private, in parts of us that are so intimately ours that few people ever imagined that history could reach them. (One person who did imagine it is the French 18th-century naturalist Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, who believed that acquired traits could be inherited. Twentieth-century Darwinian genetics dismissed Lamarckism as laughable, but because of epigenetics, Lamarckism is staging a comeback.)

The best-known example of the power of nutrition to affect the genes of fathers and sons comes from a corner of northern Sweden called Overkalix. Until the 20th century, Overkalix was cut off from the rest of the world, unreachable by road, train or even, in wintertime, boat, because the frozen Baltic Sea could not be crossed. Thus, when there were bad harvests in Overkalix, the children starved, and when there were good harvests, they stuffed themselves.

More than a decade ago, three Swedish researchers dug up records from Overkalix going back to 1799 in order to correlate its children’s health data with records of regional harvests and other documents showing when food was and wasn’t available. What the researchers learned was extremely odd. They found that when boys ate badly during the years right before puberty, between the ages of 9 and 12, their sons, as adults, had lower than normal rates of heart disease. When boys ate all too well during that period, their grandsons had higher rates of diabetes.

When the study appeared in 2002, a British geneticist published an essay speculating that how much a boy ate in prepuberty could permanently reprogram the epigenetic switches that would govern the manufacture of sperm a few years later. And then, in a process so intricate that no one agrees yet how it happens but probably has something to do with the germline (the reproductive cells that are handed down to children, and to children’s children), those reprogrammed switches are transferred to his sons and his sons’ sons.

A decade later, animal studies confirm that a male mammal’s nutritional past has a surprisingly strong effect on his offspring. Male rats that are starved before they’re mated produce offspring with less blood sugar and altered levels of corticosterone (which protects against stress) and insulin-like growth factor 1 (which helps babies develop).

Southeast Asian men who chew betel nuts, a snack that contains a chemical affecting metabolic functioning, are more likely to have children with weight problems and heart disease. Animal studies have shown that the effects of betel nut consumption by a male may extend to his grandchildren.

Environmental toxins leave even more florid traces on grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Vinclozin, a fungicide that used to be sprayed all over America (it’s less common now), is what’s known as an endocrine disrupter; it blocks the production of testosterone. Male rats whose mothers receive a fat dose of vinclozin late in their pregnancy are highly likely to be born with defective testicles and reduced fertility. These problems seem to reappear in up to four generations of male rats after the mother is poisoned.

THAT food and poison change us is not all that surprising, even if it is surprising how far down the change goes. What is unexpected are the psychological dimensions of epigenetics. To learn more about these, I visited the Mount Sinai Medical Center laboratory of Dr. Eric Nestler, a psychiatrist who did a discomfiting study on male mice and what he calls “social defeat.” His researchers put small normal field mice in cages with big, nasty retired breeders, and let the big mice attack the smaller mice for about five minutes a day. If a mean mouse and a little mouse were pried apart by means of a screen, the torturer would claw at the screen, trying to get at his victim. All this subjected the field mouse to “a horrendous level of stress,” Dr. Nestler told me. This process was repeated for 10 days, with a different tormentor placed in each cage every day. By the time the torture stopped, about two-thirds of the field mice exhibited permanent and quantifiable symptoms of the mouse equivalents of depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. The researchers then bred these unhappy mice with normal females. When their pups grew up, they tended to overreact to social stress, becoming so anxious and depressed that they wouldn’t even drink sugar water. They avoided other mice as much as they could.

Dr. Nestler is not sure exactly how the mouse fathers’ trauma communicates itself to their offspring. It may be via sperm, or it may be through some more complicated dance of nature and nurture that involves sperm but also other factors. When instead of letting the “defeated” mice mate, Dr. Nestler’s researchers killed them, harvested their sperm and impregnated the female mice through artificial means, the offspring were largely normal. Perhaps the sperm was harvested at the wrong stage in the process, says Dr. Nestler. Or maybe the female mouse picked up some signal when she had sex with the dysfunctional male mouse, some telltale pheromone or squeak, that made her body withhold nutrition and care from his pups. Females have been known to not invest in the spawn of non-optimal males, an outcome that makes perfect evolutionary sense — why waste resources on a loser?

When it comes to the epigenetics of aging, however, there is little question that the chemical insults and social setbacks of everyday life distill themselves in sperm. A woman is born with all the eggs she’ll ever carry. By the time a man turns 40, on the other hand, his gonad cells will have divided 610 times to make spermatozoa. By the time he’s in his 50s, that number goes up to 840. Each time those cells copy themselves, mistakes may appear in the DNA chain. Some researchers now think that a percentage of those mistakes reflects not just random mutations but experience-based epigenetic markings that insinuate themselves from sperm to fetus and influence brain development. Another theory holds that aging gonad cells are more error-prone because the parts of the DNA that should have spotted and repaired any mistakes have been epigenetically tamped down. In any case, we now know that the children of older fathers show more signs of schizophreniaautism and bipolar disorder than children of younger ones.

In a meta-analysis of a population study of more than a million people published last year, Christina Hultman of the Karolinska Institute of Sweden concluded that children of men older than 50 were 2.2 times as likely to have autism as children of 29-year-olds, even after the study had factored out mothers’ ages and known risk factors for autism. By the time the men passed 55, the risk doubled to 4.4 times that of 29-year-olds. Can the aging of the parent population explain the apparent spike in autism cases? A study published last month in Nature that used whole-genome sequencing on 78 Icelandic families made the strongest case to date that as fathers age, mutations in their sperm spike dramatically. Some of the mutations found by the researchers in Reykjavik have been linked to autism and schizophrenia in children.

In his Washington Heights laboratory at the New York State Psychiatric Institute, Jay Gingrich, a professor of psychobiology, compares the pups of young male mice (3 months old or so) to those of old male mice (12 to 14 months old). The differences between the pups, he told me, weren’t “earth-shattering” — they weighed about the same and there weren’t big gaps in their early development. But discrepancies appeared when the mice grew up. The adult offspring of the older fathers had less adventuresome personalities; they also reacted to loud noises in unusual ways that paralleled reactions evinced by schizophrenics who heard similar sounds.

Still, Dr. Gingrich said, “the differences were subtle” until he decided to pool the data on their behavior and graph it on a bell curve. A “vast majority” of the children of the older mice were “completely normal,” he said, which meant their score fell under the upside-down parabola of the curve. The real differences came at the tails or skinny ends of the bell curve. There was about a sixfold increase in likelihood that one of the “abnormal outliers,” mice with cognitive or behavioral handicaps, “would come from an older father.” Conversely, the super-high-performing mice were about six times more likely to come from a younger father. “I’m an inherently skeptical person,” Dr. Gingrich told me, but he was impressed by these results.

One unanswered question about autism and schizophrenia is how they crop up in generation after generation; after all, wildly dysfunctional individuals don’t usually flourish romantically. “I think we’re going to have to consider that advanced paternal age, with its epigenetic effects, may be a way of explaining the mysteries of schizophrenia and autism, insofar as the rates of these disorders have maintained themselves — and autism may be going up,” Dr. Gingrich said. “From a cruel Darwinian perspective, it’s not clear how much success these folks have at procreating, or how else these genes maintain themselves in the population.”

When you’re an older mother, you get used to the sidelong glances of sonogram technicians, the extra battery of medical tests, the fear that your baby has Down syndrome, the real or imagined hints from younger mothers that you’re having children so late because you care more about professional advancement than family. But as the research on paternal inheritance piles up, the needle of doubt may swing at least partway to fathers. “We’re living through a paradigm shift,” said Dolores Malaspina, a professor of psychiatry at New York University who has done pioneering work on older fathers and schizophrenia. Older mothers no longer need to shoulder all the blame: “It’s the aging man who damages the offspring.”

Aging, though, is only one of the vicissitudes of life that assault a man’s reproductive vitality. Think of epigenetics as having ushered in a new age of sexual equality, in which both sexes have to worry about threats to which women once felt uniquely exposed. Dr. Malaspina remembers that before she went to medical school, she worked in a chemical plant making radioactive drugs. The women who worked there came under constant, invasive scrutiny, lest the toxic workplace contaminate their eggs. But maybe, Dr. Malaspina points out, the plant managers should have spared some concern for the men, whose germlines were just as susceptible to poisoning as the women’s, and maybe even more so. The well-being of the children used to be the sole responsibility of their mothers. Now fathers have to be held accountable, too. Having twice endured the self-scrutiny and second-guessing that goes along with being pregnant, I wish them luck.

Judith Shulevitz is the science editor for The New Republic.

 

What fathers need to know BEFORE they get divorced

Fathers love their children just as much as mothers do. We want to see our kids grow up to be healthy vibrant, productive members of society. We also want to be around them as much as possible and watch them grow. Modern divorce tends to push fathers to the margins of child rearing. The expectation is that if things are not working out with mom and dad, the father leaves, and the mother stays with the kids. It is time for this to change. The tide has turned and that scenario may no longer be the case.

I was proactive. I read all kinds of books about divorce and matrimonial law in New York State before I went into the courtroom. I was determined to not be yet another statistic. I heard stories about children growing up without fathers. I heard stories of men seeing their kids every other weekend and paying lots of money to their ex even if they did nothing wrong.  As I  dug deeper into the material, I really started to question the entire process of divorce and custody. Fortunately, I found help from a men’s support group. They gave me great information that helped me get to where I am today. If I didn’t talk with them or do my homework with all of the other material I was consuming, I am positive I would be in a completely different position than I am now.

I am the kind of person who believes in preventive medicine. If you want to avoid the heartache that comes along with not seeing your children for long periods of time and paying a vindictive ex lots of money, read on. If you are ok with seeing your children every other weekend and paying child/spousal support, I really have nothing for you. This is only for men like myself who care more about their kids than they do about their ex. This is for men who cannot imagine ‘visiting’ their own children.

One of the main reasons why men never get what they deserve in custody battles is because they give up. For one reason of another, they don’t take a principled stand and never waver. They never take the road less traveled. They are in the fast lane to long term heartache and financial pain. There are plenty of resources and all kinds of information on how to remain the father you want to be. Your fight should not be an attempt to discredit or destroy the mother of your children. It will only backfire. Do it because you want to be a father  you have always been to your children.

I’m going to give out advice over a period of time on my blog. I hope that whoever reads this gains a certain amount of wisdom and can use this as a guide to achieve the level of success in court I did.

Rule number ONE for fathers involved in any custody battle:

DO NOT LEAVE THE MARIAL HOME.

I don’t know if you read that right, but I’m going to write out again. Don’t leave! No matter what she does or says or attempts to do to you, under no circumstances will you agree to leave your children. Leaving often radically reduces your chance for custody. If it comes to litigation, you may be portrayed as a father who turned his back on the children. Once you leave, you may never get a chance to get back in. Your ex may try all the tricks in the book. Calling the police, attempting to get a restraining order. Trust me, I’ve been there and done that. I’ve seen my friends go through it. The unfortunate thing is that they fell for the okie doke and LEFT! They said they couldn’t take it. My ex called the police on me numerous times. I kept my cool and walked right back in our home after the police left. I had done nothing wrong and the police could tell the call was unwarranted. In fact, there were a few times I called the police on her when she raised her voice and threw objects at me.

Even though it may be incredibly intense, stay under complete control. Yeah, I know, it’s difficult being around a person who gets on your last nerves. Your partner knows how to push your buttons. It’s probably because they installed them. Find a way to disconnect the power. The best way to do that is silence. Do not say a word to your ex about anything except things that pertain to the children’s welfare. Anything else is off limits. When you hear the phrase ‘anything you say can and will be used against you,’ they are correct. SHUT UP! If your spouse provokes you and threatens you in any way, withdrawal to a safe place and call the police. Yes, you heard me, call them. Don’t be ashamed of using the authorities to protect yourself. That is what they are there for. Also, while you are still together , never argue in front of your children. Keep any discussions off limits to their ears. Keep the kids business separate from the business of their parents. Children need reassurance and they hate to see their parents fight.

Things will be rough. Do not fall for any suggestion that you leave and/or sleep with a friend or at a hotel. If you leave for any length of time and you are being sued for divorce, your ex will establish herself as the children’s custodian. She may change the locks and guess what, you are fighting a real uphill battle from there. Do not give into the temptation, no matter how difficult it may be, to leave your children. Do not overreact to emotional forces. Stay in your home!

If your ex says things are intolerable and she cannot take it any longer, suggest to her that she leave. Explain calmly that the kids have their father to rely on and will be safe and sound in your care. I even suggest offering to pay for a hotel for her so she will have a place to stay for a month, or two. Pay now, or you might pay her child support for 21 years and possibly lifetime alimony. The choice is yours.

Fathers need to understand that they are equal partners in child rearing. Children need a mother and a father. Why should that change after a divorce? Divorce is a disturbing and horrific game. It is best for you to understand the rules. If you are a caring, loving, responsible, thoughtful father and you understand that there is no longer a possibility to save your adult relationship, you might want to be proactive and make the right moves before the game is played. I sincerely hope that in the future people chose not to play it because  the reality is this – you, your ex and your children are the biggest losers.

Never abandoning your family is one of the first things I heard about when things were starting to go south in my relationship. I heard it from the men’s support group, I read it in several books and when I asked my attorney about it, he confirmed that it is best to stay in the marital residence. Enduring 11 months of almost constant stress proved to be one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. It made me a much stronger man, a better, even more committed father and a living example of what anyone can do if they want to beat the family court system. You can follow my example and have similar results, or you can leave and hope for the best.

If you are anything like me, you just might wind up happy with the decisions you make before your get to court.

Dwyane Wade – A Father First

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVaFM-sS9DU&w=560&h=315]

Dwyane Wade on David Letterman’s show  – Tuesday August 4th, 2012

I heard about his book a long time ago. I have always like Dwyane. He is a great basketball player and seems like a really good person.

I think more stories of men fighting and beating a system where fathers usually come out on the losing end need to be heard.

There are far too many men who have no idea that you can fight for custody and win. Fathers can, and should remain a vital part of their children’s lives if the relationship between the parents breaks down. Children need a mother AND a father.

The tide is turning. The wheels of change have already been set in motion. I think books like his and the thousands of fatherhood blogs that exist show that more men are willing and able to make a stand and put their foot down. Fathers care just as much as mothers do. Our role is not limited to simply child and/or spousal support.

His book contains more personal information and basketball stories than it does information about how to handle yourself in a custody case. I’m not sure if that was the goal, but I still would suggest picking it up and checking it out if you want to find out what really went down. You will see that in cases like his, and mine, there is a turning point. A time where you say enough is enough. His was when his ex attempted to kidnap their kids and after she defied several court orders. Mine was early in my custody battle. I chose to define the parameters of the settlement early  on and demand a 50/50 split, and pay my ex nothing.

If we stand up as fathers, especially when we love our children more than our exes, we can change the prevailing notion that mothers get the children when the relationship between parents dissolves. We can reduce the amount of fatherless homes which is has long lasting damage across generations of kids and adults. We can change a biased court system from one that leans towards granting mothers custody, into one that respects the contributions of BOTH the mother and the father.

Change don’t come easy. It can, and will happen eventually. Knowledge is the key. Understand the law, learn how much value men bring to the job of child rearing and most important, remain a father first.

By the way, Letterman calls him Dwyane READE  –  twice! Is he starting to lose his mind? Next thing you know he’ll be conducting interviews to empty chairs like Clint Eastwood.

To Live In Peace

If to live in peace means to shut my mouth,

And speak naught against evil and hate;

If to live in peace means to close my eyes,

to the bigotry and trees that prevail;

if to live in peace means to plug my ears

When the woe-begone weep at my door;

Then I’m not content to live in peace,

But would rather I live at WAR!

For to live in peace means to open my mouth,

And to speak out for righteous and true;

For to live in peace means to uncover my eyes,

To act – to kill wrong in its youth;

For to live in peace means to unplug my ears

When the call of the oppressed is heard;

It will only be when these rights I possess,

That I can live completely unstirred.

Geraldyne F. Lee

My aunt wrote this many, many years ago. I used to glance at it while it hung on the wall of my parent’s home as I grew up. A few years ago while I was moving into my new apartment after my divorce, I asked them if I could take the copy they had back to New York.

Shortly after I hung it up in my place and re-read it, I realized that I actually began to live these exact words.

When I read it now, it speaks volumes.

I have a new passion. Music will always be my first love, but my recent life experience has led me down a new path-one that I never expected. Divorce can have a major impact on a family. It can affect you emotionally, psychologically and especially financially. I was affected in every possible way, including spiritually. I had a complete change of consciousness after I saw the injustices that occur in the family court system first hand. I couldn’t  believe what was happening to me.

As I walked out of the courthouse after my settlement on July 9, 2008, I realized that I had battled not only my ex-wife, but I won a war with an extremely biased court system. Nothing was going to stop me from keeping ALL of my money but more importantly, access to my children that I knew was best for both myself and my ex. I was not going to be a ‘Disney Dad’ and see my kids every other weekend. I sure wasn’t paying anyone child support.

After several therapy sessions, months of reflection and research, I began to figure things out.  It dawned on me that we have many unrealistic expectations with regard to marriage and divorce. Most people seem to think that if, for instance, things don’t work out with you and your partner/spouse, you get divorced the father leaves and the mother gets paid child support and/or spousal support and the kids see their dad every other weekend. Everything will be ok after that.

It’s not ok.

This should be the case only if that is what happened before the divorce took place. I feel that what the children had during the marriage should be what the children have after the divorce. Why should it be any different? Children need their mother just as much as they need their father.

It is true that life is drastically different when families have more than one home, but we all need to remember that every divorce is different. Each scenario has its own challenges. I feel there needs to be a higher standard for divorce cases where equality in parenting is the end goal.

After my settlement and as time went on, I came to understand many of the laws in the state of New York and how things really work. I started hearing from several friends who unfortunately, had no knowledge of what to do during their divorce proceedings. I began asking people questions about their divorces and found they kept receiving poor advice from their lawyers, friends and family. It appears they knew no other alternative than the scenario I described. Most regret the choices they made. I later studied the history of divorce, became more interested in how relationships can be improved, marriage customs and laws around the world, custody issues and began to connect the dots. I discovered that we have a real cultural problems that need immediate attention.

We have a culture of divorce.

I see a direct link between our divorce culture and widespread fatherlessness. Poverty, crime, sexual promiscuousness, gang culture, drug dependency, domestic violence and a host of other social ills are symptoms of the larger problem that stems from generations of children growing up without fathers in the home. We seem to have lowered our expectations of what is acceptable. The realization that our society is comfortable with normalizing fatherlessness has been a wake up call for me.

We need to make significant cultural changes in and effort to strengthen the family bond that I see being systematically dismantled. The contributions mother and father make with rearing of children are equally important. The time has come to rethink the way we handle divorce, especially when children are involved. I certainly did. I am living proof that there are alternatives to conventional wisdom. 

I can’t live in peace until there is a radical shift in consciousness with regard to the importance of men and fathers in our society. People insist on writing men out of the picture, but I insist on debunking this myth and proving why we are needed.

I cannot live in peace until I see changes in our courts so that bias towards mothers has been eradicated and fathers are treated with equal respect.  I cannot live in peace until our city, state and federal domestic relation laws are modified to reflect modern life in America. There will no peace if fathers continuously are pushed to the margins of family life. The absence of fathers has already taken a massive toll of the black family and is now affecting our larger society.

I can only live completely unstirred….when the notion that fathers are irrelevant is once again….unacceptable.