Our Marriage Ended. Our Family Did Not.

Children do not divorce their parents. This is a typical example of how most people who co-parent have to deal with real life after divorce. An excert from this article: http://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/parenting/2014/11/23/our-marriage-ended-our-family-did-not/?partner=rss&emc=rss&smid=tw-nytimes&_r=1&referrer

Divorcing felt like a death that deserved mourning. Yet we had no choice but to continue raising a child together in the aftermath. There was no space, no real distance, no time away for us to recover separately. We needed to heal, but our baby needed to be cared for; our most important job was to protect him from feeling our family’s collapse.


One weekend that winter, he called me to say that our boy had come down with the flu and was asking for me. I didn’t remind him that we weren’t on speaking terms but instead hung up and raced the 12 blocks between our homes.

When I arrived, our baby’s fever was high, his energy low. He was miserable and wanted nothing more than to be held. His father rocked him while he whimpered, soothing him with shushing. I quietly watched from the doorway as he softly stroked the little bald spot on the back of our son’s head. This was why I had chosen to have a child with this man. It was no longer important what kind of husband he’d been; that part was now past. As a father he was exactly the partner I needed: patient, present, committed in every way.

I took our son from his arms and gave my husband a break. Without speaking, I ran a lavender bath and warmed up a bottle. We spent the remainder of the weekend working as a team while we silently nursed our child back to health. Being together was no longer about us.

Later that night I softly sang as our son fell asleep between us. It was strange to feel equally heartbroken and happy. My husband reached out and put his hand on mine.

“Thank you for coming over,” he whispered.

“Thank you for letting me,” I whispered back.

Just because our marriage was broken didn’t mean that our family had to be.

Read the entire piece HERE

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