Is there really a lack of good men in the dating pool or do some women overlook the ones that are already in existence?
From what I’ve experienced, when many women who are dating meet a GOOD man, they either don’t know it or they unconsciously push him away. Why do they do this? I feel it is a byproduct of decades of children growing up without fathers. How can a woman know how to effectively deal with a man if they have never had a good man in your life? I would also say that men raised without fathers is just as bad. How do they know how to deal with women if they never had a man show them how? Fatherless males are in perpetual search of their biological fathers or a similar role model. Unfortunately these men tend to find comfort in gang membership and other outside groups that do more harm than good. They tend to have difficulty developing and sustaining self respect and may have issues with masculinity that manifests itself in a multitude of negative and harmful ways. Much of the time it is detrimental to women and manifests itself in violence.
This problem is nothing new. It dates back decades and I feel it is only getting worse, especially in the black community. Research shows that more than 70 percent of black children are born to single mothers.
I may be wrong but it seems like most women want to put themselves on the career fast track in their 20’s. They want the same thing men want. I think it’s great that women are actually competing and pursuing career goals outside of being a mother and a wife. The problem is that when women are in their ‘anxious’ years (mid 30’s), they are looking for men that existed a few years earlier. There may be slim pickings by the time they hit that age. Both men and women seem to have issues with this because many people, by their 30’s have either been married and/or divorced. Men who have been through the family court system are less likely to want marriage and women who already have children. They are far more gun-shy and see little incentive to marry again. Women who have children from a previous marriage or relationship are also less attractive to single men. There are exceptions to every rule, but the rule is far more common.
I feel that the majority of young heterosexual women strongly desire marriage and children. It seems as if women today choose to use the euphemism “relationship” to mask that they really want marriage but think it will scare guys off. Possibly? They might just have a point. Maybe they are just waiting to long to finally go after what they want? I don’t know. The first 10 years out of college working is usually spent with people diving in head first into their careers and the next 10 desperately trying to find a mate. Waiting for the last-minute just might be waiting one minute too long.
Good men exist. What are people waiting for?
Being anxious about something you can control makes no sense to me. I’m sure women spend years working on their craft at whatever profession they are in. It might be in their best interests to do the same with relationships. Good men are everywhere. Looking for a good man is not nearly as hard as looking for a job in this economy. I feel that both men and women need to keep putting ourselves in the position to meet each other. It really isn’t that difficult if you keep your eyes and ears open.
How do you do it?
Well, you can start by simply asking friends for referrals. Start getting out the house and being open to the idea of meeting someone new. Begin conversations with people you randomly meet in line, at the post office or at the gym. Visit museums, coffee houses instead of randomly shooting in the dark (at some nightclub). It is always better to get referrals. It works in sales and works in dating. It’s been done like this for millennia.
Try putting as much time and effort into finding a mate as we all do finding a home and a job. We seem to put hours into our résumé writing and spend weeks figuring out where we want to live.
Why not have the same amount of thought and planning when it comes to finding a suitable mate?