Tag: fatherhood

Betsy DeVos Changing the Rules On Title IX Campus Sex Misconduct Enforcement

“On campuses throughout the country, I’ve seen firsthand how colleges and universities are wrongfully implementing their own kangaroo courts to adjudicate accusations of sexual misconduct and destroying the lives of wrongfully accused male students,” Miltenberg said. “Title IX was meant…

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“In a report published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, data from more than 26,000 people showed longer work hours and the use of pornography didn’t correlate with the decline in sexual activity. Nor did factors like gender, race, income, or level of education. Instead, trends toward helicopter parenting and a growing body of unmarried people seem to be the deciding factors.

“We’re seeing more helicopter parenting, which is zapping energy that could go toward sex and other sensual activities,” sexuality counselor Eric Marlowe Garrison, who was not involved with the survey, told CNN.

The term “helicopter parent” was coined in 1990, by child development researchers Foster Cline and Jim Fay. It refers to a parent who prefers to monitor their child’s behavior in nearly all aspects of their life, from chores to playtime to schoolwork – typically, to allay the parent’s fears of harm or failure.”

Read the entire piece here:

http://www.businessinsider.com/helicopter-parenting-americans-have-less-sex-2017-7

 

 

After divorce, shared parenting is best for children’s health, development

We now have more than 50 studies of joint physical custody. Using different methods, and examining families in the United States and abroad, the results are encouraging: children who spend at least 35 percent time with each parent, rather than live with one and visit the other, have better relationships with their fathers and mothers and do better academically, socially, and psychologically. As will be described next week at the International Conference on Shared Parenting in Boston, they get better grades; are less likely to smoke, get drunk, and use drugs; and are less susceptible to anxiety, depression, and stress-related illnesses.

Read the entire piece HERE: https://www.statnews.com/2017/05/26/divorce-shared-parenting-children-health/

Taco Thursday #cookingwithmykids

Focus. Concentration.
Cooking with my kids is one of the many things I love to do when I have them. Preparing dinner together, then enjoying the amazing food we make together.

Yesterday was taco Thursday. My son made the guacamole and my daughter made the chicken to put into the tacos.

Its great to see them become so interested in cooking and enjoying the process.

 

Bumbling Dads

  As women left Montclair, N.J., for marches in Washington and New York, family routines were radically altered, and many fathers had to meet weekend demands alone. http://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/22/nyregion/womens-march-montclair-nj.html?smprod=nytcore-iphone&smid=nytcore-iphone-share Is this another “bumbling dad” piece?   This is The Onion right?…

How Do You Spell Dad? L-O-V-E

Waking up at the crack of dawn sucks. It just does. Well, it does for me.

I’ve never been a morning person. I never will be. I like to get up at about 9 or 10AM. Well, that’s just not the life I’ve chosen to live.

You see, I get up so early for a reason.

 

I usually arrive home from work at 11PM. I’m totally wired and wide awake. I eventually wind down so I can get to sleep at around 1AM. My alarm goes off in the morning, but I snooze for a few more minutes before I jump out of bed. I try to shake the cobwebs out of my brain and think of where I parked my car so I can go pick up my kids.

I drive over to my ex-wife’s house and get my kids at 7:15AM. We spend about 45 minutes to an hour getting to school. There are mornings where we just listen to the radio. We sometimes laugh about stories from the previous day or if we see something silly on the way. When a serious event happens in our country, we might have a brief thought provoking discussion. When I see the opportunity, I let my kids know about some cold hard truths about growing up in America. They soak it all up like sponges. In the end, I have that special time with just me and my kids. It’s time well spent.

I get the balance of my sleep some time during the day by taking naps if I’m not working. I ain’t afraid to admit, I LOVE naps. Later in the day, I pick them up from school and we spend the afternoon together at my place until I bring them to their mom’s house after I cook them dinner.

It’s exhausting, but totally worth every hour I miss of sleep during the night.

Why do I do this to myself? Well, I asked this question this morning when I got out of bed. As soon as I thought of that question, I got my answer.

It’s because I love them. I really do.

After 14 years of fatherhood, nothing has changed. I’ve been there since the beginning. I’m glad I saw every little step my kids have taken over the years and witnessed every little development along the way. Our time is very limited on this planet and I am making sure I spend as much of it as I possibly can with my kids before they are adults and off on their own.

I wasn’t going to allow any silly “family court” system to keep me away from this. I’ll lose all kinds of sleep but I won’t lose out on being a father. That’s just not going to happen. I made sure of that.

Fathers….

We love our kids as much as mothers. We care too. We want to be there as much as we can even though we may be tired, working long hours, traveling, busting our ass to get a promotion or more money or any other thing that might keep us temporarily separate.

Dads…

We are not the babysitter. We are the guidance the protection, the focus, the spiritual uplift, the support system, the provider, the backbone, the rock, the stability, the L-O-V-E.

I heard about this artist and song today after chatting with a colleague of mine named Felton Offard on Facebook. (he’s an amazing guitarists by the way). He hipped me to this guy Sho Baraka. Sho has a great new album out called ” The Narrative.”

I think this is right on point:

I learned that love ain’t based on performance
Make a mistake and I will love you in the morning
I see life in my children’s eyes
And when I’m wrong I’ll be the first to apologize
Peace to all my fathers who are working through their flaws
Fulfilling their duties and they don’t do it for applause
It’s true, any fool with a tool can reproduce
But a father is that dude that’ll see it through
Forget the stereotypes lets be clear
There are good men out there we are here

……………..

How do you spell dad?
It goes L-O-V-E
How do you spell dad?
It goes L-O-V-E
How do you spell dad?

Growing Kids

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My kids…growing and growing-and so is my love for them.

Fatherhood is truly an amazing experience. Watching my kids develop into a young man and woman is fascinating.
The time we spend every morning on the way to school is special to me.

I get to talk to them about what is going on and how they are feeling. I get to hear stories about their friends, their teachers and their classroom discussions.

We talk about current events and what might be happening that later on that day at school or after school. We also might discuss how excited they might be about their day or if they are terrified about what might happen.

The nonsense I had to endure in family court was worth every gray hair and green dollar bill I spent. If I didn’t fight the powers that be, I probably wouldn’t be able to take this photo.

I’m glad I can be with them almost every single day.

 

STOP!

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I’ve learned many things over the past 8 years. One of the most valuable is knowing when to stop.

I’ve learned how to stop letting things into my life that will bring me more pain than pleasure. I’ve learned how to stop allowing people in my life who are filled with all kinds of pain. I don’t want their misery to infect my happiness. I’ve learned how to stop certain behaviors of mine that will bring me and others around me down. I have learned to say NO more often too.

It is a process, but once you know the triggers or the behaviors that are associated with pain and negativity, it becomes easier to get to the point where you can put an end to a downward spiral.

I have seen many friends and colleagues who are dealing with relationships that only bring them misery. I often ask them, “Why are you with ____?” They tend to beat around the bush with a response or clear answer, but after further reflection, they more often than not tell me that they don’t know why.

I was asked this same question from time to time about certain relationships I was in over the years. After my divorce, when I was “dating,” I would be with certain women and the people who were close to me asked me the same things I ask those who are in unbearable relationships. I had to do some deep thinking as well as some soul-searching and came to the conclusion that I no longer needed to continue on the path I was on with that particular woman because it really made no sense.

If the woman I was with had all kinds of qualities I wasn’t into, but the sex was great, I began to realize my long-term goals were not in line with my short-term goals. If I was with them for the sex but they wanted me for a potential spouse, I was wasting my time and theirs. It wasn’t fair to me or her to keep going.

I learned how to put a stop to any behavior that was going to take me off my path of being a great musician as well. Once I understood that I didn’t need to say yes to every gig and I could actually say NO, it was quite empowering. I not only said no, but I raised my rates. I got more work from higher paying employers and I haven’t looked back.

The same thought process also applied to anything that was going to prohibit me from being the parent I needed to be for my two children. I cut off all communication from anyone who had an interest in trying to limit the influence I had over my children.

Any person that comes into my life has to bring something to the table to enhance it, not make it worse. I have to remember to know my self-worth and cut the out the fat…and that I can say no. It becomes easier and easier the more I do it. It can work for you as well. 

If Moms Were Treated Like Dads

I received 10 years of this treatment. I know EXACTLY what this feels like. It’s all good though.

I stopped being defensive after a certain point. Eventually, I learned how to just have fun with the moms at the playgrounds as they got to know me better and they later realized how much cooler I was than their husbands…especially when they found out my profession and how much I listen to them.

Ahhhh…the joys of parenting (as a single dad…with high levels of testosterone).

 

Are elite college students victims of “white supremacy”?

An excerpt from HERE: http://spectator.org/articles/65001/cult-social-justice THE CULT OF SOCIAL JUSTICE By Robert Stacy McCain There are too many white musicians in the Oberlin College jazz band. This was among the numerous complaints — “concrete and unmalleable demands” — in a 14-page manifesto…