- Is she always blaming you for problems in your relationship?
- Do your conflicts really ever get resolved?
- Is she always controlling the relationship or you?
- Are you constantly confused or insecure about where the relationship is going?
- Does she run hot and cold, fly into rages out of the blue and blame you for them?
- Do you feel trapped or cornered?
- Does she put you on a guilt trip for expressing your opinion — or are you afraid to even express your feelings or opinions?
- Do you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells for fear you’ll say the wrong thing?
- Is everything you do or say being scrutinized or judged by her?
- Does she make you feel worn down mentally and physically until you just give in to what she wants?
“If you answer yes to these questions, I would tell you that it is not normal. You are being emotionally abused. As a victim, no matter what you are being told, you must know that it is not your fault and know that the abuser has no intention of changing. The only thing you can do is leave. Get someone to help you pack your bags and stay away from this person. Never go back. She means you harm.”
Switching a word around in a paragraph makes you think differently. Insert the word he instead of she and it sounds totally different. Read the original here. I did this to make a point. Domestic abuse, and I would include emotional abuse, as well as physical violence, affects women as well as men.
One may assume that domestic abuse rarely, if ever happens to men. A growing number of studies and research tend to see things in a new light. New surveys have shown that men and women assault one another and strike the first blow at approximately equal rates. According to a 2010 national survey by the Centers for Disease Control and U.S. Department of Justice, more men than women were victims of intimate partner physical violence and over 40% of severe physical violence was directed at men. Men and women engage in overall comparable levels of abuse and control, such as diminishing the partner’s self-esteem, isolation and jealousy, using children and economic abuse; however, men engage in higher levels of sexual coercion and can more easily intimidate physically. Recent studies have found that a man who calls the police to report domestic violence is three times more likely to be arrested than the woman who is abusing him.
Awarness is key to understanding that men are victims too. Domestic violence needs to stop completeley. If it is initiated by men or women, it is unacceptable. Our culture views women and children as the only members of society that can be victims. Well, that is not the case. In the future, pay close attention when the words ‘abuse’ or ‘victim’ are used. You rarely, if ever hear men being described as victims. Men tend not to report the fact that they are victims for several reasons. Some of the reasons why men keep things to themselves is due to our country’s socialization for self-reliance, instance on having courage or being afraid to being called a wimp, having low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, having no advocate, economic dependence due to the increasing economic parity in many homes, protection of children, complete denial, belief in the abuser’s excuses, belief in the sanctity of marriage and the marriage vow, belief that the abuse will eventually subside on its own, without outside intervention, the victim is in the military service and dozens of other reasons including having no knowledge of options and resources, even if they exist.
I think this video helps prove my point.
For more information, check out the following links:
Contact – The Joyful Heart Foundation
Read – this book– Domestic Violence: The 12 Things You Aren’t Supposed to Know by Thomas B. James
Call – The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE or 800-799-7233. The hotline provides crisis intervention and referrals to resources.